Brandon and I are taking the opportunity to revamp and streamline the site a little, playing around with the format of the strip and blog section to hopefully allow for quicker updates and more reader interaction. In other words, we’re desperate for readers. Seriously, how’re we gonna sell T-shirts and stuff with, like, 10 people reading the comic every week? That’s a bad business model, people! If Brandon and I wanted to go broke, we’d open up a comic book shop!

(Ooh, that one stung a little, didn’t it? That’s called the sting of truth)

So basically, we’re doing a New 52. Only with no renumbering, no retcons, and no stupid collars or excess lines. Okay, so it’s not very much like the New 52. Except we will have a slight moderate generous horrific increase in exploitative sexism. Whatever it takes!

Anyway, we hope to be back up and running as soon as possible. You can keep an eye right here for updates, and/or follow Josh and Marissa on Twitter. Considering the change in status quo we’ve just introduced, you can expect both of them to have a lot to say about a great many things very soon.

https://twitter.com/#!/JoshCritic

https://twitter.com/#!/MarissaCritic

Thanks for following us this far, and we hope to entertain you even more through 2012! Maybe even make a shocking announcement or two.

(And tell your friends about us. Seriously, I wanna get in on this T-shirt racket)

If I could only use one word to describe this book, it would be beautiful.

The art is beautiful. The story is beautiful. The language is beautiful. The symbolism is beautiful. The design is beautiful. The layouts are beautiful. The calligraphy is beautiful. The narrative is beautiful.

The way it all comes together is beautiful.

http://www.habibibook.com/

AQUAMAN #1: Do you think Aquaman is lame? If so, this issue spends a good deal of its page count telling you how wrong you are. Which might feel like a bit of a waste to readers who liked Aquaman to begin with, but maybe it was necessary, I dunno. Still, it was well drawn and well written, so I’m looking forward to #2 as long as they got it all out of their system.

BLACKHAWKS #1: Yeah, I don’t know about this. Not a great introductory issue for the characters, the purpose of the organization, or even the type of threat it was formed to face. I might revisit the first trade if there’s good word of mouth, but I’m out for now.

BRILLIANT #1: (Here’s a book Josh wouldn’t review!) A decent opening and central premise (using science to create super powers in “the real world”) devolves into a bit of a mess of an introduction, where Bendis’ Mamet touches are particularly clear and yet ineffective. Whether I pick up the next issue will depend entirely on if I remember this book exists a month from now, which is not assured.

FLASH #1: This was really good, which surprised me a bit. The visual storytelling was just fantastic; I saw more out of Manapul in this issue than I had in the entire last series. The plot was solid superhero fare, and featured a thankfully less grim Barry.

THE FURY OF FIRESTORM THE NUCLEAR MEN #1: First of all, fuck you, title, you’re “Firestorm” from now on. Second of all, the book has an intriguing premise in these”Firestorm protocols”. But the villains are so far rather generic and uninteresting, the conflict between Jason and Ronnie feels a bit forced, and the end of the issue feels rushed and confused.

JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK #1: Good setup. Not enough John Constantine for me, but plenty of Shade.

NEW AVENGERS #16 POINT ONE: Hope you were dreadfully missing Norman Osborn in the year since he’s been away, because here we go again.

TEEN TITANS #1: That’s three up and three down for Scott Lobdell; maybe I’ll try him again the next time he makes a comeback. (This wasn’t terrible, but I don’t have enough interest in the Titans anymore to work up the strength to think about the continuity implications of this apparent scorched-earth reboot)

ULTIMATE COMICS SPIDER-MAN #2: I still feel like we’re learning more about Miles’ supporting cast than him, but at least what we’re learning is interesting. I really like his father, and find myself hoping he isn’t the sacrificial family member that teaches this new Spider-Man about power and responsibility.

Batman and Robin #1: Eh, it was okay. I liked the softer, forward-looking side of Bruce coming out, but it seems a little bit like they’re trying to recapture the Dick/Damian dynamic, and that’s simply not going to work with these characters. Art’s a little hard to follow at times too.

Batwoman #1: Truly excellent stuff. This still feels like a direct sequel to “Elegy” (which of course is how it started out), but there’s enough explained to make this story reboot-friendly as well.

Daredevil #3: Great stuff. Waid and Rivera are kiling it.

Demon Knights #1: Off to a great start; this issue was over too soon for me.

Fear Itself #6: This crossover is positively limping to the finish line. I think the Nazi robots are all gone, the hammer dudes are all gathered together for a final attack, and Odin is poised to step in if the heroes don’t succeed. So we’ve got a clear understanding of the stakes, the Big 3 Avengers are all being suitably badass, and that’s good. We’ve also got Spider-Man learning a lesson about great responsibility again, and that’s a bore.

Green Lantern #1: Not a bad story, with Sinestro trying to figure out what the Guardians are playing at by giving him a green ring, and Hal trying to settle into an ordinary life he’s completely unsuited for. But this is very much Green Lantern #68. Any newcomers who thought the mythology was impenetrable in the Green Lantern movie aren’t going to like this introduction any better.

Grifter #1: I’ll stick with it because I think the concept has legs, but this first issue did not do a great job introducing the main character or the threat.

Legion Lost #1: Like Green Lantern, this is a decent story provided you already know everything about the Legion of Super-Heroes. If you don’t, you better really be able to hit the ground running, because this book does not slow down to introduce any of its many, many concepts.

New Avengers #16: Bendis goes back to having the Avengers respond to internet criticism of his work, and there’s also something about robots in there. I dunno. I’m just waiting for the tie-ins to finish and all the oral history stuff to return to its proper status as supplemental material at the end of the book.

Suicide Squad #1: Be careful with this one, because like the title says, it could easily drive you to take your own life. The few characters who are properly introduced are simplified to the point of blandness, interaction is all but nil, and the action is weak. And Amanda Waller fans, be prepared for a final page so stupid you’d roll your eyes if you saw it in our strip as a parody of such stupidity.

Superboy #1: The art is excellent. The story is…there. Not bad, or anything, but it’s nothing we haven’t seen before. I just gave the book a shot on the off chance that it would be a return to the fun, carefree Kesel days, but it’s going it’s own way. And that’s fine, I just don’t wanna go with them.

Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #1: I didn’t read Ultimate Fallout, so this is my first introduction to Miles Morales. And…it wasn’t much of one. I learned a lot more about Miles’ father, uncle, and the spider in this issue than I did about the title character. Still and all, I liked what I did see, and think this could turn out to have a very different dynamic than Peter’s status quo. Looking forward to how it develops.

Uncanny X-Force #15: This series is still worlds beyond the previous one, but I gotta say, between all the alternate universes and Apocalypse stuff, this feels more like just another X-Men team than an off-the-books black ops one. But it’s a well-done X-Men team, so it’s still enjoyable.

Action Comics #1: This one is bound to be a little decisive, given people’s strong opinions of what Superman “should” be. (God knows I have them too) Luckily, as far as I’m concerned, this interpretation doesn’t go against them at all. It’s definitely a young, cocky Superman who’s not quite reached his ideal characterization yet, but he’s still a guy who helps people in need because it’s the right thing to do, which automatically puts this Supes over “Smallville” and “Earth One” in my eyes. Oh, and it also has a Lex Luthor appearance that rivals his utterly awesome indirect takedown of Swamp Thing back in the Alan Moore days.

Detective Comics #1: I would use the word “trite” to describe this, but even that suggests more imagination than the story contains. Thrill as Batman fights a charm-less, unfunny Joker and the Gotham PD while saying things like “I own the night”.

Hawk and Dove #1: Move along, people, nothing new to see here. Good book for hardcore Hawk and Dove fans who want to know what is and isn’t canon in the new universe, but tough to recommend to a new reader (or even existing fans who want something more than a history lesson).

Incredible Hulks #635: (A week late, but whatever) I haven’t loved all of Greg Pak’s Hulk run, as a couple of strips have suggested. “Planet Hulk” was good, “World War Hulk” was terrible, “World War Hulks” and the lead-up with Skaar was mostly bad, and the Hulk Family stuff since then has been a mixed bag. I have enjoyed the latest wishing well story, and this conclusion is no exception. The reset button is leaned on for a few characters, but all to their benefit. It also provides a nice capper for Pak’s 5-year run as a whole, showing how Banner has come.

Justice League International #1: Not much to see here either. A poor introductory issue for new readers, and nothing particularly new or interesting for old fans. If you liked the Justice League books between the time Giffen left and Morrison arrived, this’ll be up your alley.

New Avengers Annual #1: Kinda feels like we’re back in “Disassembled” territory here, with heroes acting wildly out of character and doing dumb things for badly-explained reasons, all the while trying to convince the readers that what’s happening isn’t stupid through painfully bad exposition that sounds like it’s been culled from interviews.

Swamp Thing #1: I was kinda hoping we’d be past this point by the end of “Search for Swamp Thing”, but that’s my fault for buying that series, not Snyder’s. This was perfectly good setup, if a little slow.

Wolverine #15: Not Jason Aaron’s fault–at least not entirely–but this is a ludicrous time to be doing a story called “Wolverine No More”. What should be some real, horrible pain that Logan is going through can’t help but feel like a momentary pity party in light of the fact that he’s at the very center of the relaunch of the X-Franchise.

Except for Justice League, that doesn’t count. Fuck was it doing coming out in August, anyway.

These are the 52 Commandments, in which Comic Critics explores the relaunched DC titles in no particular order.

27. STORMWATCH

Stormwatch is pretty much just proof that if Paul Cornell writes a book, no matter what it is, I’ll probably read it.

Now don’t get me wrong, I adored Warren Ellis’ Stormwatch and Authority back in the day. But there was a time and place for those books. And the DCU is not that place, and during this reboot is not the ideal time.

The setup is right out of the Warren Ellis playbook: “We are professional badasses, and super heroes are gaudy amateurs.” And that setup is fine. It worked for “Authority” and “Planetary”, works now for “The Boys”, etc. But there’s a big difference between using it in a world where the super heroes can be portrayed as clueless jerkoffs, and using it in one where they’re the backbone of the company. One where Batman and Superman live. Because quaint or not, they will, quite simply, kick your fucking ass for you.

And that’s really the big question about this series. How long until Stormwatch and the Justice League go at it? When a series is about a secret on this big a scale, issue #1 is just the beginning of a countdown until it’s discovered. So on the face of it, there’s reason to be wary about this book.

But…Paul Cornell. That’s it, DC wins. I’ll be trying it.

And I am curious about a few things. What’s J’onn doing there? Was he ever a Leaguer, if he’s not in the flashback series? And if Stormwatch has been watching from the shadows all this time, is Superman merely the first super hero to go public? I guess I’ll find out, because Stormwatch gets a THOU SHALT BUY, HALLOWED BE CORNELL.

28. RESURRECTION MAN

Was there really any more to say about Resurrection Man? I wouldn’t have thought so, but here we are.

I really liked this series the first time around, but its return still feels odd to me. It was a bit of a breath of fresh air, providing some low-key superheroics on the opposite end of the scale from, say, JLA. But it felt like one of those lightning-in-a-bottle books that could only exist at that point in time. Even with the original creators, could the concept and character possibly reproduce that magic again?

Abnett and Lanning state that this isn’t a reboot, but also compare it to a Hollywood remake, making things clear as mud. The fact that it’s being branded as one in a series of “DC Dark” books (or whatever) doesn’t instill confidence either. Instead of occupying its own niche, it will be fighting for attention against several books also going the horror route.

I’m sure it’ll be at least decent, maybe even real good. But I doubt it will have the staying power of its title character. For  Resurrection Man, I’d have to say THOU SHALT DOWNLOAD OR WAIT FOR THE TRADE, AND SEE IF IT BE WORTH INVESTING IN.

29. SAVAGE HAWKMAN

Savage Hawkman is the latest in a long line of 1st issues for the character, so it’s about time we all accepted something: Hawkman should not be headlining his own comic series. Hawkman should be hanging out with the Thundercats.

It makes sense! He’s shirtless, animal-themed, his name ends in Man…hell, that thing on his chest is the Eye of Thundera!

But my conspiracy theories aside, Hawkman is a tough sell even with a great creative team and clear, unique direction. With Tony Daniel and Philip Tan? All the clapping in Never Never Land isn’t going to be able to save this book’s life.

I like Hawkman enough that I’ll keep an eye and ear out in case the book defies expectations, but I’m not optimistic. Until then, Savage Hawkman gets a THOU SHALT NOT BUY. HOOOOOOOOOOO!

30. WONDER WOMAN

So soon after her last reimagining, Wonder Woman is…y’know what, fuck it. Cliff Chiang is drawing this, so just buy it.

What, that’s not enough? You need more? How dare you. Well, I GOT more, sucka!

Brian Azzarello may seem an odd choice for Wonder Woman given his past DC work (to say nothing of his creator-owned stuff). Stuff like “Superman: For Tomorrow”, “Lex Luthor: Man of Steel”, and “Joker” could get pretty grim and sometimes nasty. And I had some problems with each of them (continuity niggles and the like), but y’know what, they were pretty compelling. And I’ll just come right out and say it, that’s something Wonder Woman could benefit from. Something to draw people in.

Wonder Woman needs this revamp as badly as Roy Harper needs another hit of that sweet, sweet horse.

Azzarello has been making friends and influencing people in his interviews, where he says things like: “There’s no such thing as the trinity. That’s invented, you know. There’s Superman and there’s Batman and there’s everybody else.”

I like this because it’s true and because I know how much it winds up the whinier, martyr-like section of Wonder Woman’s fan base. (If that doesn’t describe you, then I’m not talking about you, but they ARE out there, and they drive me up the wall)

I like what he says next even more: “So what I want to do, I want to create that damn trinity. I want it to mean something.” I don’t know that he’s necessarily the writer to pull that off, but big points for that ambition, overreaching or not!

Azzarello goes on to intrigue me and annoy others by saying that Wonder Woman will be a horror comic. Again, I don’t know how that’ll work, but I’m keen to see him try. She certainly has the background and villains for it.

And don’t be fooled into thinking that all Azzarello knows how to write is grim and grit. Lest anyone forget, it was Azzarello who wrote that wonderful Dr. Thirteen backup that ran in “Tales of the Unexpected”. Drawn by who? Cliff Chiang! And we come full circle.

I’ve always been willing to buy a Wonder Woman comic, but now I’m actually excited to get my hands on one. For that, the new Wonder Woman gets a big THOU SHA– IT’S CLIFF CHIANG, JUST BUY IT!

31-32. BLUE BEETLE/STATIC SHOCK

Can I get away with talking about Blue Beetle and Static Shock together without being considered racist?

I can’t read about either of these books without “Spider-Man” being brought up endlessly, like it’s the name of a genre. And it practically is; every teen hero book from Nova to Firestorm to Gravity have been nailed with the Spidey comparison. It’s a great framework to start from, but it doesn’t set me up to think I’m going to be blown away.

Character-wise, I like them both (Beetle a little more than Static), but don’t have a lot to say about either of them. As for creative teams, would it be petulant to mention that I’d rather still have “Xombi” and “REBELS” than either of these?

John Rozum has been impressing on “Xombi”, but Scott McDaniel is unproven as a writer, and his art’s an acquired taste. Tony Bedard is good but best read in trades. And I’m unfamiliar with Ig Guara (I really need to get around to Pet Avengers).

If I buy one DC title about a teen hero, I lean towards Firestorm, where both the characters and creators entice a bit more. But these are definitely books to keep in mind in case some of the chances we’re taking turn out to be disastrous. (Teen Titans, Suicide Squad, I’m looking right the hell at you)

Blue Beetle gets a THOU SHALT NOT BUY, BUT SHALT REVISIT IN TRADE IF WORD OF MOUTH DOTH WARRANT IT.

Static Shock gets a THOU SHALT NOT BUY, BUT SHALT WATCH REVIEWS TO SEE IF ROZUM IS DOING WORK AS GOOD AS “XOMBI”.

33. BATWOMAN

Batwoman should be a real easy choice for everyone, as it’s only a reboot title because of timing. Were you going to buy it when it was first solicited? Then buy it. Were you not? It’s J. H. Williams III, just buy it.

OK, thats twice now I said to buy a book based on the art alone. I’m just working on my karma after saying I’d buy Hawk & Dove.

The bad news? Williams is sharing art duties. The good news? He’s sharing them with Amy Reeder, whose art is just gorgeous. Williams’ co-writer Haden Blackman is not widely known outside of Star Wars circles, where he did a decent Jango Fett mini. Creator Greg Rucka will surely be missed, but I’m keen on seeing what Williams and Co. will do with this book.

Batwoman gets a THOU SHALT BUY…ASSUMING THE DAMN THING ACTUALLY COMES OUT THIS TIME.

34. SUPERGIRL

To paraphrase Elliot S! Maggin: Must there be a Supergirl?

I have to be honest, I have never been a fan of the concept of Superman’s cousin. I’m one of those who believe that the concept of another Kryptonian hero devalues Superman, whether it means to or not.

I’ve got no problem with others wearing the S shield. I love Steel, Superboy, and even the Matrix/Linda Danvers Supergirl. But having another full-fledged Kryptonian just makes it feel like Superman is merely Player 1 in a video game. “Mario was unable to stop that comet from destroying the Earth? No problem, Luigi’s got it!”

And yeah, plenty of other heroes could save the day without Superman, but it just feels different. He’s still supposed to be a cut above the rest, and someone else with the EXACT same power set and levels diminishes that. (Yet another one of the reasons I miss the Karl Kesel version of Superboy)

Past that, the Post-Crisis (if that term even has any meaning anymore) Kara has annoyed me from the beginning. Ever since she sprang forth from Jeph Loeb’s head, fully grown and less-than-fully clothed, like an Athenian go-go dancer. Her vomit personality improved a bit over the years, but as this is a scorched-earth reboot, that doesn’t mean very much.

If I’m gonna sit through Supergirl’s origin yet again, it’s gonna have to be with a hell of a writing team. Michael Green and Mike Johnson? The guys who worked on “Superman/Batman”? Yeah, that’s gonna be a pass, thanks. “The Search For Kryptonite” is like a psychic minefield; just remembering it gives me migraines.

Green has also written for Smallville, Heroes, and the Green Lantern movie. All known for the quality of their writing. I don’t know Mahmud Asrar; a quick search shows he’s a good artist. But that’s not nearly enough to save this thing.

And this is a lesser concern, but Supergirl coming to Earth for the first time is gonna make a total hash of continuity. The writers have stated their goal to make this a book readers of any age can pick up, and I wish them well on that score. If this becomes the book that brings more young female readers to comics, that’ll more than justify its existence. But it doesn’t need me for that, so Supergirl gets a definite THOU SHALT NOT BUY. BETTER LUCK NEXT REBOOT.

35. I, VAMPIRE
Let’s just put all our cards on the table here: I’m not buying I, Vampire, are you?

I’m sure it’ll be decently written and look very nice, but I just don’t have room for another vampire story in my life. Even if True Blood and Vampire Diaries were canceled tomorrow and I needed a vampire comic to fill the void, it’d be Angel.

I don’t blame DC for wanting some of that sweet Twilight lucre. I hope it works for them. It won’t, but God bless ‘em anyway. I’ll keep an eye on what the reviews say, though. There may be no new vampire plot under the sun (ha, smart vampire humor), but it’s the characters involved that sells a good vampire story. Which is why, say, the Underworld movies suck and Let the Right One In does not.

So I’m open to the possibility that this could be a good book; I just need someone else to buy it first and tell me (I am the most half-assed comics reviewer who has ever lived). But until then, I, Vampire gets a THOU SHALT NOT BUY, FREELY AND OF THINE OWN WILL.

36. GRIFTER

When Grifter was announced, I’m sure a lot of people’s reaction was, “Are you fucking kidding me? Grifter?!?”

And it’s understandable. With his trench coat, guns, and bad attitude, he was a poster boy for Image’s gritty 90s excess. But what a lot of people don’t realize is that when the 90s ended, Grifter stuck around, and became pretty damn interesting. And hell, I say “became”, but I liked Grifter right from the start. As I stated before, I was an unapologetic WildC.A.T.S. fan. I still wouldn’t buy a Voodoo book, but I actually HAVE bought a Grifter book in the past. More than once, as I recall.

What’s more, I always liked how Grifter fit into the larger Wildstorm universe, which is a continuity I was fond of. And I loved his relationships with characters like Zealot and Ladytron, his stint as head of a corporation…. And this is all filibustering, because almost none of it will have anything to do with this new series, I’m fairly sure. It’s all by way of saying that there’s a character worth following behind that mask, so that’s why I’m doing so.

I’m not familiar with writer Nathan Edmondson, but Marissa tells me he’s done some great non-superhero comics. Whatever. He seems to envision Grifter as a John Constantine with guns battling Daemonites by way of the Dire Wraiths from Rom. Mmmm, okay. Sure, that could work.

With any luck, we may eventually see DC-ized versions of Kherubim, Team 7, and the Coda as time goes on. So Grifter gets a THOU SHALT BUY. NO, SERIOUSLY. NO, FOR REAL. I THINK IT’LL BE GOOD.

37. RED LANTERNS

Red Lanterns by Peter Milligan and Ed Benes. That’s…wow, that’s pretty much three strikes right there. An uninteresting concept with an uneven writer and an artist who should be drawing sleazy pinup calendars.

I can’t think of a single thing to say about this book that the rest of you couldn’t just guess, possibly verbatim. So instead, I’m just going to list things you’d all be better off buying rather than this comic:

THOU SHALT BUY A PORNOGRAPHIC VIDEO STARRING THINE OWN SISTER.

THOU SHALT BUY A LETTER FROM THINE PARENTS CONFESSING THAT THEY NE’ER LOVED YOU.

THOU SHALT BUY A PORTRAIT OF THYSELF AS AN INFANT, CHOKING TO DEATH ON A PACIFIER.

THOU SHALT BUY A ROLEPLAYING GAME WHERE THOU PLAYEST A RABID MOUSE CHEWING ITS WAY OUT OF A DEAD OWL’S STOMACH.

THOU SHALT BUY A DVD FEATURING ALL THE SCENES FROM THE TRANSFORMERS MOVIES WITHOUT ROBOTS IN THEM.

THOU SHALT BUY A VOICEMAIL RECORDING OF THYSELF DRUNK-DIALING EX-GIRLFRIENDS.

And so on and so forth.

THOU SHALT NOT BUY Red Lanterns BECAUSE IT BE A RED LANTERNS COMIC THAT HATH RED LANTERNS IN IT.

38. FURY OF FIRESTORM

I’m quite looking forward to The Fury of Firestorm, by Gail Simone, Ethan van Sciver and Yildiray Cinar. I was a fan of Ronnie back in the day, and possibly even a bigger fan of Jason in recent years. And ever since they combined in an episode of “Batman: Brave and the Bold”, I knew we’d eventually see it in the comics. Which we did in Brightest Day, although the writers have hinted that not everything’s the way it used to be in this series.

(Brightest Day, by the way, pissed me off by regressing Ronnie the way it did. But post-reboot, I have no such concerns)

But however the Firestorm matrix works this time around, the relationship between Ronnie and Jason will be front and center. That’s why I’m intrigued by Simone and Van Sciver writing this together; two POVs to bring to two very different characters. I’m led to understand, by people who for some reason pay attention to these things, that they’re known political opposites. Something I couldn’t care less about other than hoping it’ll make Ronnie and Jason’s differences feel more organic and real.

What’s even more interesting are Simone’s hints about how Firestorm’s very existence affects the whole of this new DCU. It doesn’t sound like Firestorm is going to remain a B-list teen hero in the Spider-Man Genre this time around. Add in art by Yildiray Cinar, who I’ve been enjoying on LoSH, and they’ve got me cold. I wanna see what happens.

The Fury of Firestorm gets a THOU SHALT BUY, AND EVERYONE PLEASE REMEMBER HOW COMPLIMENTARY I WAS WHEN I GET TO BATGIRL.

39-40. LEGION OF SUPER HEROES/LEGION LOST
I’m gonna tackle Legion of Super Heroes and Legion Lost together, as there’s precious little to say about either.

Like some other titles, the Legion remains largely unaffected by the reboot. If anything this is more of a “One Year Later” situation for them. Somewhere between the last book and the relaunch, seven Legionnaires went missing. And that’s where both books pick up.

If you’ve been enjoying the recent LOSH series, you’ll likely continue to. If not, this is a perfect jumping-off point. I’ve been sort of lukewarm on it, digging the Saturn Queen stuff but not much else. I’d just as soon drop it, but the Legion Lost book has my curiosity piqued. And if I’m getting one, I may as well get both.

Fabian Nicieza is great at team books, Pete Woods is a good artist, and I enjoy seeing Legionnaries in the present. And so Legion Lost gets a THOU SHALT BUY AT LEAST THE FIRST STORY ARC.

Legion of Super Heroes gets a THOU SHALT BUY IF THOU HAST ALREADY BEEN ENJOYING IT. OTHERWISE, GET THY FIX FROM T’OTHER.

41. SUPERMAN

If you’re only gonna buy one Superman title post-reboot, it should be “Action Comics”. But screw it, buy two. Buy Superman.

To some, it may seem like putting George Perez in charge of the book is a safe, slightly boring choice. But between the 40s-influenced neophyte Superman in “Action” and the…well, Geoff Johns-influenced Supes in JLA…I can see the wisdom in wanting a book focused on telling solid Superman stories in a more “classic” style. And with the lack of interviews we’ve gotten about this book, it would seem DC doesn’t exactly consider it a tough sell.

“Superman by George Perez” alone should be enough to let you know whether this book is up your alley or not. It sounds like it’s up mine. Super heroics and monsters and a well-rounded supporting cast, all beautifully drawn? Sold!

And if you’re one of those fans who just can’t get over “One More Day”, please don’t read this. I already can’t discuss Spider-Man online anymore, don’t take Superman away from me too.

THOU SHALT BUY Superman, AND IF THOU DOTH NOT AGREE WITH ERASING THE MARRIAGE, THEN AT LEAST LET SILENCE REIGN.

42. DETECTIVE COMICS

On the opposite side of that spectrum is Detective Comics by Tony Daniel. In the midst of all the excitement, DC hoped people wouldn’t notice they just switched the writers on Batman and ‘Tec.

“Detective” will be presenting standard, back-to-basics Batman stories. But then, so will the other 3 relaunched Bat-books. Frankly, considering how Batman is relatively untouched by the reboot, it’s not a terribly compelling sales hook.

“Bruce is back as the one and only Batman; now let’s make you absolutely sick of him with 4 ongoing titles and 2 JL books!”

This one promises shorter stories and more of a crime thriller tone. But it also promises art and stories by Tony Daniel. If you’ve been enjoying his “Batman”…well, first maybe you could explain to me why…and then you’ll likely enjoy this.

If you need multiple Batman books, and maybe you hate Damian, this is still a better choice for you than “Dark Knight”. Me, I think I’ll check back in when they switch the numbering back in time for the thousandth issue.

Detective Comics gets a THOU SHALT NOT BUY, UNLESS THY BATMAN ADDICTION HATH REACHED “ROY HARPER” LEVEL PROPORTIONS.

43. JUSTICE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL

Dan Jurgens and Aaron Lopresti’s Justice League International is kind of a weird book, conceptually. Basically, it’s the “Bwah-Ha-Ha” lineup of the Justice League, minus all the “Bwah-Ha-Ha”. I’m sure it made a lot more sense to everyone before the reboot was announced, when it was just the natural culmination of the “Generation Lost” mini series (which I didn’t read).

One assumes this was meant to be a Judd Winick project, which, while not exactly a step up, at least makes thematic sense. Dan Jurgens is a perfectly okay storyteller, and he’s handled most of these characters before. But it wasn’t exactly funny. So why resurrect a nostalgia title like this if the goal isn’t to utilize what made it popular in the first place? What is it about a Justice League B-title with a lineup of second stringers, played straight, that DC thinks is a winner?

I mean, I’ll be buying it, but I’m a hopeless addict. The point of this reboot is to attract new readers. Much as I might enjoy August General in Iron arguing with Guy Gardner, try putting that in one of those dopey commercials.

This is a book that I’ll be buying mainly for the characters involved, but that loyalty only goes so far. Unless both Jurgens and Lopresti have stepped up their game considerably, I sense it falling by the wayside in a few months.

Justice League International gets a THOU SHALT BUY THE FIRST ARC, BECAUSE GOD HELP US, THOU HAST TROUBLE SAYING NAY.

44-45. ANIMAL MAN/FRANKENSTEIN, AGENT OF S.H.A.D.E.

Jeff Lemire hits the reboot running with two books: Animal Man and Frankenstein, Agent of S.H.A.D.E.

But I have to admit something. I don’t have the same level of appreciation for Mr. Lemire’s work that so many of my colleagues do. Now, don’t get me wrong. His Superboy was perfectly enjoyable, but let’s just say the Eisner nomination surprised me.

I’m happy to have my mind changed, but I’m not quite willing to dive into both of these books to convince myself. So, in an act of capriciousness, I shall pit them against each other in a death match.

Frankenstein was one of the best concepts to come out of Morrison’s “Seven Soldiers”. Animal Man was one of my favorite Morrison works of all time.

Lemire is great at world-building, which will serve the Frankenstein series well. Lemire is also great at small-scale character stuff, which will be a benefit to Animal Man’s family.

Frankenstein, like Paul Cornell’s “Demon Knights”, isn’t about superheroes, so it might be dead within a year. Animal Man, C-list as he is, will limp along at least long enough to wait for the first trade.

Frankenstein has a Frankenstein in it. Animal Man does not.

So Frankenstein, Agent of S.H.A.D.E. gets a THOU SHALT BUY, AND HOPETH IT DOTH LAST LONGER THAN DEMON KNIGHTS.

And Animal Man gets a THOU SHALT NOT BUY, UNLESS FRANKENSTEIN BE SO GOOD, THOU HAST TO HAVETH THEM BOTH.

46. GREEN LANTERN CORPS

Green Lantern Corps by Peter J Tomasi, Fernando Pasarin and Scott Hanna. No real need to get fancy with this one. If you’re planning to buy Green Lantern like I am, you have to buy GLC to get the entire story. That’s the way it’s been for the past few years, and there’s no reason to believe it will be any different post-relaunch. The inter-connectivity between these titles has always been a turn-off, but screw it, I can put up with it a while longer.

Beyond just fleshing out the story of the main GL, the Corps book does have its own virtues to offer. It’s an ever-changing and expanding ensemble cast, with all the pros and cons that that entails. If you like your Star Trek red shirts, and don’t mind when they’re killed in great numbers, this is the book for you.

If the books could truly stand alone, I’d have recommend this over the main GL book numerous times in the past few years. But you need both for any semblance of a complete, satisfying story.  One without the other would just be frustrating. Green Lantern Corps gets a THOU SHALT BUY, AS LONG AS Green Lantern DOTH REMAIN GOOD ENOUGH TO JUSTIFY BUYING BOTH.

47. MR. TERRIFIC

I like the idea that a character like Mr. Terrific could carry his own book. Non-white, primarily uses his brains, not a character from the 60s or 70s, but still has that old-school value of fair play. I’ve always thought he was neat. Like a Doctor Who that will karate-punch you in the face.

So I was happy to see Terrific getting his own series…until I saw the creative team. Eric Wallace was most recently a writer on the Winick-helmed volume of Titans, which almost says it all right there. I say “almost” because he wrote the Deathstroke-led evil Titans, which somehow managed to be even worse. Roger Robinson is a great artist, but I only mention that ironically, since as of #2 he doesn’t seem to be on-board anymore.

So, yeah, not grooving on the potential here. (Where’s Warren Ellis when you need him?) But I really want to like this. Thus, I’m willing to ignore that small, nagging part of me that’s always right…my cynicism. At least for a little while.

I give Mr. Terrific a THOU SHALT BUY ONE ISSUE TO JUDGE, AND THOU SHALT DROPETH OR CONTINUIEST BASED ON THAT.

48. DEATHSTROKE

I have nothing against Deathstroke. I actually like him a lot. But after the past few years I am Deathstroked the fuck out. He’s been seriously overused, and much of that time, he hasn’t been used particularly well.

So it doesn’t fill me with optimism when Kyle Higgins promotes this series as being about making Deathstroke badass again. It just seems to come from the same school of logic that gave Wolverine a second ongoing series so he could be more violent.

It’s a bit of an empty boast, too. As Higgins himself notes, any ongoing series about a badass mercenary/assassin has to continuously walk a fine line between killing C-listers and failing to kill A-listers. Not too terribly badass (Something that’s not a problem when a villain only appears in the hero’s book and only occasionally, just food for thought).

Still, could be fun, if you’re simply not getting enough gun-and-swordplay from Suicide Squad, Frankenstein, Grifter, Blackhawks, Red Hood, etc, etc.

Joe Bennett is a name I’ve not heard in a long, long time. He’s been working, just on nothing I’ve been willing to read. The previews I’ve seen show he can make Deathstroke’s new costume not look completely ridiculous, so, point in his favor.

I’m sure it’ll be decent. It’s all about how much Deathstroke you can stomach before he just flat-out turns into Deadpool. THOU SHALT BUY Deathstroke OR NOT. JUST DO WHAT THOU WILT; WE’RE ALMOST DONE HERE AND I NEED TO GET THROUGH THIS.

49. BATGIRL

Okay, wow. There are any number of potential reasons for people to not be wild about this new Batgirl series. Most of them don’t actually apply to me, though, so we’ll just get those out of the way first.

First is the idea that DC is being disrespectful by eliminating a high-profile paraplegic role model. I have no dog in that fight; I’ve been seeing Professor Xavier gain and lose the ability to walk off and on for 20 years.

Then there are the fans of former Batgirls Cassandra Cain and Stephanie Brown, who feel vicariously slighted. But frankly, those are fan bases that contain an awful lot of martyrs anyway, so this should be like Christmas for them (Did I just accidentally write something more clever than I’d meant to? If so, I apologize).

Then there are people, like me, who just plain feel that Oracle is a better character than Batgirl. But that’s not my main point of contention. I’ll do without Oracle like I do without Wally, Kyle, 90s Superboy, Impulse, etc. My main point of contention is just what a mindless, pointless grasp at the past I find this change to be.

Much as we all goofed on H.E.A.T. back in the day, you could still kinda see their point about Hal Jordan. How many people could possibly have been wanting Barbara to become Batgirl again all this time? Barbara Gordon has been crippled for TWENTY-THREE YEARS. I want you to appreciate the kind of time span I’m talking about. I was born and have grown to an age where I’m technically too old for comics in the time since Barbara was last Batgirl. And hell, for about six or seven years before “Killing Joke”, she wasn’t appearing as Batgirl very much anyway! Seriously, it’d be like making Cassandra Cain Batgirl again twenty-three years from now.

This notion that DC and some fans seem to have about Barbara being the one, true Batgirl just seems wrongheaded to me. Barbara wasn’t the first Batgirl, and I don’t even think she was the most interesting Batgirl. And with all the back story and baggage she brings to the table, she doesn’t strike me as a smart choice for this reboot. Frankly, much as I was bored by Stephanie Brown, she was the most new-reader friendly Batgirl since Babs debuted in the 60s! And what happens to Steph? Yet another step back for yet another Bat-character, just like Dick, Catwoman, and…well, Babs.

(And I know I said this wasn’t my main reason, but Oracle is SUCH a better character than Batgirl, it’s not even funny)

Gail Simone is the perfect choice to write this book, as she’s become synonymous with the character of Babs over the years. Babs’ fans will follow her anywhere as long as Gail is writing her, and plenty of new readers will too for the same reason. But me, I’m not one of them. I’m sure the book will be written well, but this is somewhere I won’t follow. I’ll support Gail on Firestorm, thanks, but I cannot support the backwards thinking behind this relaunch.

THOU SHALT NOT BUY Batgirl FOR FEAR THAT THE NEXT STEP ON THE RESET TRAIN IS DICK BACK IN THOSE FUCKING PIXIE BOOTS.

50. OMAC

OMAC will be written by Dan Didio. Um…I think I might be done here. Is there really anything else to say?

Okay, yes, Keith Giffen is co-writing. And that’s surely a bit of an improvement. Maybe. It depends which Keith Giffen showed up to work that day. If it’s Magog/Suicide Squad Giffen, it could be a lateral move.

The name of this series alone turns me off, as those stupid blue robots from Infinite Crisis have tainted it for me forever. It’s not about them, but other unwelcome elements from those stories will turn up, such as Brother Eye and Evil Max Lord. If I was a cyborg monster with a failsafe kill switch, the password to activate it might be “Brother Eye and Evil Max Lord.”

The title character himself seems to be a mix of the original OMAC concept and…well, the Hulk. Which is…cool? I guess? The interviews promise lots of Kirby-style action and kookiness, which is all well and good, but is that enough? The fact of the matter is, Kirby pastiches/homages are kind of a dime a dozen in comics, and not all of them are done well.

I dunno. I just can’t know. I’m not writing off this book completely, but I’m not jumping in on the ground floor, either. OMAC gets a THOU SHALT NOT BUY. IF IT TRULY BE KIRBY-TASTIC, IT SHALT MAKE ITSELF KNOWN SOON ENOW.

51. AQUAMAN

I love me some Aquaman. Always have.

Well, “always”, that’s a damn lie. But for a long time now.

It’s easy to like him once you get over the lesson drummed into all of us at childhood: that Aquaman’s a useless wuss. I first discovered this in an issue of Deathstroke where Aquaman slapped him around. Hey, I was a teenager, it won me over. I read a bit of the Neal Pozner mini and Shaun McLaughlin series, and enjoyed them enough, but he still wasn’t A-list to me.

It wasn’t until the one-two punch of Peter David and Grant Morrison that I really recognized how exciting Aquaman can be. Yeah, they made him a little more “edgy” than before, but it was all in service of the idea that he was a proper king. It’s not that Aquaman’s only useful if a crime happens to break out near water. It’s that colossally bad shit is going down underwater ALL the damn time, and he’s busy dealing with it, with sharks and whales and underwater armies with superior technology and telepathy with only vaguely-defined limitations.

And, for a time, an awesome hook for a hand.

Since those days, Aquaman’s gone through his ups and downs. By which I mean he went through a helluva lot of downs. I mean, the days of “Sub-Diego” were okay and all, but they really didn’t do much for Aquaman’s image. “Hey, look, a section of American city became completely submerged underwater! Aquaman is FINALLY useful for something!”

People that wonder whether Aquaman can be made interesting annoy me, because they’re not remotely asking the right question. Aquaman IS interesting. The question is whether he can get another creative team that’ll draw enough readers to learn this. And now he finally has one again with Geoff Johns and Ivan Reis.

God knows I don’t love everything Johns does, but he has a talent for mythology-building and continuity streamlining, both of which Aquaman can most definitely use. Nobody new to Aquaman who picks up the reboot book is gonna go hunt down “The Atlantis Chronicles” to get caught up on the character and his world, nor should they have to. I’d expect the first issue will tell new readers all they need to know about Aquaman, and take off from there.

Aquaman gets a sound THOU SHALT BUY, AND PUT AN END TO ALL THE “HE CAN JUST TALK TO FISH” JOKES FORE’ERMORE AND ANON!

52. JUSTICE LEAGUE

THOU HAST ALREADY BOUGHT Justice League. LEAVE ME ALONE.

(Continue following Josh (@JoshCritic) for all manner of comic reviews, rants, and serious musings about absolutely ridiculous things!)

Enjoy the extended insight into Josh’s world!

These are the 52 Commandments, in which Comic Critics explores the relaunched DC titles in no particular order.

1. JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK

I find myself surprised that I’ll be picking up the title with the WORST name of the 52: Justice League Dark.

It’s got John Constantine in it. That is its one selling point for me, but by god, its enough. I would buy a Constantine book if it was called “Justice League Peanut.” That is a candy reference, not a Charlie Brown one.

Now where was I…? Oh, right.

Of course, as much as I’d like for it to work, Justice League Dark has the potential to go so very, very wrong. While magic and darkness are up Milligan’s alley, a mainstream superhero universe as a backdrop is not. Look at Milligan’s X-Men and his parts of the ‘Return of Ra’s al Ghul’ crossover to see what Imean. Yes, X-Statix was great, but it was tongue in cheek, and played its connection the Marvel Universe fast and loose.

Another concern is the potential for characters like Constantine to become action hero-ized. There’s only so much manipulation and trickery that can be used against out-and-out super villains like the Enchantress. I love the show “Supernatural”, but I worry such a straightforward setup could too easily turn Constantine into a Sam or Dean type.

With all that in mind, and with a little optimism, I give Justice League Dark a: THOU SHALT TENTATIVELY BUY.

2. SUICIDE SQUAD

Next in our overview of the DC relaunch: Suicide Squad.

Let’s just get the most obvious thing out of the way first: OH MY GOD, Harley’s costume. HARLEY’S COSTUME, oh my God.

I GUESS it’s reminiscent of her Arkham City look? Kind of? And I know DC would love to bring gamers over to the comics, but I think it’s gonna take a little more than that, honestly.

I don’t love Deadshot’s new look either, but it won’t last long. You cannot keep his classic look down, it’s just too good.

And King Shark isn’t a hammerhead, but I say that just to seem knowledgeable, not cause I give a damn.

I’m not overly familiar with writer Adam Glass. Google says he did “Deadpool: Suicide Kings”, which I remember not loving. But it also says he wrote some episodes of “Supernatural”, which I do love. And artist Marco Rudy is solid, plus I’ve always LOVED the concept of  Suicide Squad. That buys it some benefit of the doubt.

No offense to Secret Six fans, but this is easily the more marketable concept. If it can keep up 6′s quality, DC has a hit. That’s a lot of ifs, but even so, I give Suicide Squad a: THOU SHALT BUY FOR AT LEAST THE FIRST STORY ARC.

3. VOODOO

Next up is Voodoo, by Ron Marz and Sami Basri. And I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that’s all we know so far.

Now, I’ve got something slightly embarrassing to admit…I really liked Wild C.A.T.S. I mean, “had the action figures” liked. I even watched that shitty cartoon on CBS– Stop laughing at me, goddammit!

I’m just saying, I don’t feel any knee-jerk hatred or apathy towards our displaced Wildstorm brethren. That said, I don’t think I would buy a Voodoo solo book even if it was 1994 and I had a discount coupon from Wizard Magazine.

That, coupled with the creators’ reluctance to reveal anything about the series concept, makes it hard to say much of anything. Barring some mind-blowing reveal at the end of the first issue, this seems like a pretty easy pass.

Voodoo gets a: THOU SHALT NOT BUY, BUT SHALT CHECK OUT REVIEWS OF THE FIRST ISSUE OUT OF SHEER CURIOSITY.

4. BATWING

Okay, so. Batwing.

Hmm.

I can’t shake the feeling that it’s going to be absolutely hilarious without intending to be. The description of this series is “the Batman of Africa”, which does not exactly fill me with hope for an enlightened take on the concept. Al Kennedy of House To Astonish put it perfectly: “Africa. It’s one big homogeneous place, and one man protects all of it.”

To be fair, that’s mainly the solicitations talking. I could take a leap of faith that the writer understands the implications of what he’s dealing with…but I’ll be honest, Judd Winick just doesn’t inspire that level of optimism in me.

That said, part of me would feel like a hypocrite if I didn’t support a DC title that features the same sort of diversity that I’m always goofing on them for not having. I’m also not usually enthused about lower-tier family titles (by which I mean Bat-family, in this case). But the good thing about such a removed setting is this won’t be forced to bend to the will of the A-tier titles.

So with the best will in the world…and I want everyone to note this new corner of maturity I’m turning…I give Batwing a: THOU SHALT CHECK OUT THE FIRST ISSUE AND MOCK IT TO DEATH IF IT BE AS BAD AS THOU FEAREST.

5. CATWOMAN

But let’s give the maturity thing a rest now and tackle Winick’s other book, Catwoman.

(Boob joke in 5…4…3…)

Far as I can tell, the new Catwoman has 2 things going for it (ba-dum-bum), and neither are enough to sell me on the book.

My charming misogyny aside, it doesn’t look like the wheel is being reinvented with this relaunch. She’s back to being a thief who’s obsessed with Batman, the first in a series of character resets for supporting Bat-characters.

A new Catwoman series would be a hard sell for me under the best of circumstances, and these are not them. With a different writer and less new books to choose from, I could maybe give it a shot out of curiosity.

But as things stand, Catwoman gets a: THOU SHALT NOT BUY, BUT MIGHT PERHAPS FLIP THROUGH IT IN THE STORE FOR A CHEAP THRILL.

6. DC UNIVERSE PRESENTS

Hmm, DC Universe Presents. This one really should be an easy choice. But call it optimism, call it naiveté, call it a complete psychotic break, I can’t find it in me to completely give up on Paul Jenkins.

His seemingly overnight change from great writer to absolute mess still befuddles comic scholars to this day. And I’m not just talking about “Civil War: Frontline” and “Sentry: Fallen Sun”, hated as they are. But have any of you read “Wolverine: The End”? I mean, really read it? You couldn’t have, your head would’ve exploded.

But, not unlike Fox Mulder, I want to believe. I want to believe Jenkin’s talent was merely kidnapped by aliens, and that we might get it back someday. Not that it was murdered and buried by some serial killer or whatever the hell happened on X-Files.

And this could be the perfect canvas for Jenkins to regain our faith. It’s continuity-light, it’s a character none of us REALLY care enough about to mind being changed…

Then again, I’ll probably get all the Deadman I need from “Justice League Dark With Coconut”. And anthologies (or series-of-mini-series titles) are an iffy prospect at the best of times.

I may not have completely forsaken Jenkins, but I can’t find it in me to help bankroll his potential redemption either. So DCU Presents gets: THOU SHALT NOT BUY, BUT INSTEAD OFFER A SILENT PRAYER THAT IT DOESN’T COMPLETELY SUCK.

7. SGT. ROCK AND THE MEN OF WAR

This is a curious one. Sgt. Rock and the Men of War, by Ivan Brandon and Tom Derenick.

This does not star Frank Rock, but his grandson Joe, and is set in the modern-day DCU. Which, on the face of it, seems odd. DC loves its legacy characters, but that really only works for super heroes and costumed identities. Having legacy characters for period-specific concepts like Sgt. Rock, Enemy Ace, etc, just seems a little beside the point.

Coming next year from DC: Anthro 2012! Starring Anthro’s great-great-great-great-great-grea…you know what I’m saying.

The new Sgt. Rock book is being billed…by me…as army guys versus super villains. Which is…FINE, I guess. To me, army guys in comics exist to get tossed around by super villains until the Justice League shows up, but I’m flexible.

However, what’s not working in the book’s favor is the secrecy surrounding many of the reboot titles. There definitely appears to be some big, hush-hush story planned that a lot of these new titles will stem from, according to certain solicitations. It’s keeping some writers from really getting into detail about their books, which makes it hard to generate excitement.

There could be a great impetus behind this military vs super villains book, but I don’t think we’ll know what it is until it’s out. Which isn’t always a bad thing, but with 52 new titles to choose from, not everything can be given that benefit of the doubt.

Sgt. Rock and the Men of War gets a: THOU SHALT NOT BUY UNTIL THE NATURE OF THE BOOK HATH BEEN REVEALED, THEN THOU SHALT REVISIT THE CHOICE.

8. CAPTAIN ATOM

Hey, anyone else remember Captain Atom? Me too!

Anyone remember the last time he didn’t suck? Hey, where’d you all go?

I loved the Bates/Broderick Captain Atom series. So much so, that I think it convinced me I like the character more than I actually do. Because when I think back on things, I haven’t liked much he’s appeared in since. “Justice League Europe”, yeah, but all the characters were homogenized to a degree there. So I approach any new Captain Atom appearance with an optimism that, honestly, isn’t really all that justified.

This changed with the announcement that J.T Krul will be writing the new Captain Atom book. J.T. stands for, I believe, “using dead cats as nunchucks is awesome”. I’m not sure how, but that’s what a guy told me once. Now, that may be unfair to Mr. Krul, but y’know what, fair doesn’t enter into it. That’s the perception of him. And seeing the books he’s worked on in the past and present, I don’t feel a strong urge to try and disprove it.

Based on interviews, people have been comparing the direction of the book–man comes to terms with having unlimited power–with Watchmen’s Dr. Manhattan (I will cut off the replies by saying yes, the Doc was kinda based on Cap to begin with). Honestly, I don’t think the similarities will penetrate the surface. I guess if anything, Cap might act like a very young Doc might have. This direction is fine in and of itself. But do I really want to follow it now, with this character, with this writer? Nyet.

And thus I end my association with Captain Atom with a: THOU SHALT NOT BUY, BUT WILL REMAIN FRIENDS.

9. DEMON KNIGHTS

Now, this one makes me happy and sad for different reasons. Demon Knights, by Paul Cornell and Diogenes Neves.

I would follow Cornell anywhere. And even if that were not true, this sounds like an interesting concept; gathering together all the DC characters who were active during the time of Camelot’s fall. That’s the happy part.

The sad part is that the book will be dead inside a year. Absolutely. No question. We’re talking crib death here. Yeah, “Game of Thrones” is popular, but does anyone REALLY think that will translate into people buying a comic set in the Dark Ages?

But ignore the cold, harsh light of reality for a moment. The book sounds awesome. Etrigan the Demon leading a team with Vandal Savage, Shining Knight, and more? By Paul Cornell? SOLD!

To me. Sold to me, and maybe, like, a hundred other people.

And it doesn’t hurt that Cornell cites “Magnificent Seven”, one of my favorite movies, as an influence on the team dynamic. In a way, this series could have been titled “Justice League Dark Ages”…thank the good and kind baby Jesus that it wasn’t.

In summation: THOU SHALT BUY, AND ALSO SHALT THOU START A “SAVE Demon Knights” PETITION IMMEDIATELY.

10. TEEN TITANS

What can I say about  Teen Titans by Scott Lobdell and Brett Booth that everybody else hasn’t already said?

Nothing, so I’ll just reiterate: this is what a DC relaunch should look like if it was happening in 1994.

Okay, “gimme” joke out of the way, I should say I actually have nothing against this creative team. I actually have more reservations about just having a Teen Titans book in general. The title has had some high highs and some low lows over the years, but it’s been pretty exclusively low for a looooong time. But it’s one of those books that always has to exist because it always has existed, so it never gets the rest it needs. I think the Titans could really benefit from the same vacation the JSA is going on, but fine, this is the hand we’re dealt.

Lobdell’s work has ranged from pretty good to “Holy Jesus, what did I just spend money on?!?” over the years. But I like almost everything he’s had to say in interviews about his approach to this series. Honestly, if it was anything OTHER than Teen Titans, I might have some genuine enthusiasm for it.

As it is, I think I’m going to have to give Teen Ti– Oh, shit, wait, I haven’t made fun of the costumes yet!

The Titans look like one of Terry Gilliam’s nightmares filtered through a satanic Cirque du Soleil performance on LSD. (Then again, Superboy’s taped-on cape is more of a bone than whoever designed that shitty ‘t-shirt and jeans look’ threw us.)

OK, hell with it. THOU SHALT GIVE  Teen Titans ONE ISSUE, JUST ONE ISSUE, TO NOT BE A TRAIN WRECK. MAYBE DOWNLOAD IT.

11. SUPERBOY

And I guess we can’t really talk about  Geriatric Titans without mentioning Lobdell’s other new book, Superboy.

My first thought when reading the solicits: “Oh, God, they’re gonna turn him into the ‘Young Justice’ Superboy, aren’t they?”

But it’s been confirmed that reboot Superboy has been around since the Death of Superman…which must have happened sometime in the previous five years, according to the new timeline…so now I don’t know what to think.

Other than the obvious: “Wow, y’know, I really haven’t liked Superboy since Karl Kesel and Tom Grummett were on the book.” The half-Luthor thing is being kept too, so we can only hope the lame genetic angst will be downplayed as much as can be.

On the bright side, R.B. Silva’s artwork alone is enough reason to be interested in this book. He was the artist on those recent Jimmy Olsen backup strips from Action Comics that I loved oh, so very much. Why, out of 52 titles, one of them couldn’t have been Silva and Nick Spencer on  Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen #1, I’ll never know.

Let’s face it, I was desperate enough to want to like Superboy again to buy his last new book, so I guess I’ll do so again. Superboy gets a THOU SHALT TRY #1, AGAINST THINE EVERY INSTINCT SCREAMING “DON’T BOTHER! DISAPPOINTMENT AWAITS!”

12. SWAMP THING

Swamp Thing returns to the DC Universe proper, and he’s got a bit of an uphill struggle in front of him. Swampy inevitably makes people think of the impossible-to-live-up-to Alan Moore run…or all the nonsense that followed it.

But writer Scott Snyder has been making waves lately, especially with his awesome run on Detective Comics. And his interviews state that he’s familiar with all the past Swamp Thing material, but doesn’t feel beholden to it. The fact that he’ll be exploring the Alec Holland angle indicates he’s not treating Moore’s stories as sacred cows that can’t be played with. As a fan since the Lein/Wrightson days, I’m interested to see where Swampy will go while maintaining a more mainstream sensibility.

And so, Swamp Thing gets a THOU SHALT BUY UNTIL DC PUSSES OUT AND CANCELS ANOTHER JESUS-RELATED STORY.

13. BATMAN THE DARK KNIGHT

Sometimes these new books can be hard to discuss, and sometimes you’re just handed a gimme, like  Batman the Dark Knight.

I mean, right off the bat (ha), it’s hilarious that this title is getting rebooted at all. As of this writing, it’s shipped THREE ISSUES since the book began in DECEMBER. At this point you might as well just let it continue on as is. The story has been so boring and generic that it could fit in pre-reboot, post-reboot, wherever you want.

So we’re already going into this thing with a thunderous “blah”. I could barely work up the energy to even mention it. Then Bleeding Cool reported that Paul Jenkins would be coming onboard to co-write, and I couldn’t talk about it fast enough.

The upside is, we’ll likely get more than three issues in eight months. The downside is…well, they’ll be issues written by Paul Jenkins. It’s like that saying about the gods punishing us by answering our prayers, except who the fuck was praying for that anyway?

It all boils down to some pretty simple math. Finch + Jenkins = writing quality of a dubious nature, to be kind.

Rather generic Batman + three other Batman books = unnecessary, to say the least.

Now we add our sums. Jenkins + unnecessary 4th Bat-book = THOU SHALT NOT BUY for Batman the Dark Knight. Isn’t math fun?

14. GREEN LANTERN

On that note, let’s talk about Green Lantern #1.

Now, I’m limited in how much detail I can go into without spoiling this week’s Green Lantern #67. But the phrase, “Oh, jesus, THIS again?” sort of immediately springs to mind. Followed by, “Gee, I wonder if this story will wrap up in time for a nice HC collection to coincide with the movie sequel?”

He said sarcastically.

Now, all the obvious jokes out of the way…it’s actually not such a bad idea. Green Lantern was always going to be one of the books that continued along unchanged by the reboot. So instead of feeling any curiosity, I was pretty much looking at the upcoming #1 as the perfect jumping-off point.

(Little-known secret about me, I’ve been less than ecstatic about all this recent Rainbow Lantern stuff. Shh, it’s a secret)

But with this turn of events, it at least feels like we’re getting something a LITTLE different. And yes, “different” in this case means something we’ve seen a dozen times already, but hey, this IS comics.

And Geoff Johns, to his credit, does write a very good Sinestro. So, like the glorified lemming of a comic fan that I am, this latest GL stunt has ensured my curiosity for a while longer.

Green Lantern gets a: THOU SHALT BUY AND THOU SHALT NOT JUDGE ME BECAUSE I KNOW HAVE PROBLEMS AND I’M WORKING ON IT, OK?

15. GREEN LANTERN: NEW GUARDIANS

That hurt a little. So let’s cleanse the palate a little by saying noooooooooooooooooooooooooo to Green Lantern: New Guardians. Which is a shame, because I like writer Tony Bedard, and I love Kyle Rayner.

(Why doesn’t Bedard get a “love”? Let him save the universe a few times first and then we’ll talk)

It was the death knell of Kyle as a unique character when he was made just another Corps member. I mean yeah, he was treated fine in the book, that’s not the point. He no longer had his own setup, responsibilities, supporting cast, etc.

Setting him up as the star of this book is a step in the right direction for him, but…I just can’t. I just can’t. An entire series devoted to the lamest concept to come out of the GL universe since explaining away Hal’s grey temples? No Nuh-uh. Not a chance. I’m sorry Kyle, but I simply cannot support this one. It’ll only encourage them.

The Red Lanterns have their own book, people! There’s already a crack in the dam!!!

If we fight it, we’ve still got a chance. So to Green Lantern ROYGBIV, THOU SHALT NOT BUY. THE RESISTANCE STARTS HERE!

16. RED HOOD AND THE OUTLAWS

It’s tough to think of a book with more going against it than Scott Lobdell’s Red Hood and the Outlaws.

Right off the bat, you’ve got that cast to try and get over. Red Hood? Noooo thank you. To his credit, Lobdell’s stated that he wants to develop Jason’s character outside of Batman’s orbit. Which is commendable. Maybe it’ll work and turn Jason into a character I want to read about someday, but I don’t wanna take the journey with him.

Next up is Arsenal. Nooooooooooo. No, no. Heavens, no. It may sound harsh, but I kinda want to avoid Arsenal the same way I’d avoid a violent, armed drug addict in real life.

Wait a sec, I just realized…this is a reboot. Why the fuck doesn’t DC just bring Lian back? I don’t understand the world.

Starfire? She’s okay, but I wouldn’t exactly buy a book because she was in it. Certainly not one with Red Hood and Arsenal. It’s a bit weird, isn’t it? Alien princess with two street-level ex-sidekicks? What keeps drawing Kory to these odd team ups?

Then you’ve got of those teams where no one on the team thinks it’s a team. No, thank you, really, I’ve had enough.

And all set against everyone’s favorite backdrop: angst! Roy and Jason’s great, big, sopping, grownup man tears! And that’s pretty much all we have to go on, since we know nothing else about this book’s plot. Kenneth Rocafort’s art has improved from his Top Cow days, but it doesn’t blow me away. And y’know what, I’m already buying Lobdell’s other two books, so frankly, he’s got no call to get greedy.

Red Hood and the Outlaws gets a THOU SHALT NOT BUY…AND SERIOUSLY, WHY DIDST THEY NOT BRING LIAN BACK? SERIOUSLY!

17. GREEN ARROW

Next up is Green Arrow, by Dan Jurgens, George Perez, and Kryptonian war criminal Jay-Tee Krul. The easy thing to do here is just say no. And I WILL say no, but I’ll say some other stuff first.

Green Arrow has not had a particularly great past couple of years. Married by Winick, tarnished by Robinson, and then put through that dopey trial by Krul…not a lot of must-reads in there. He’s a prime candidate for a fresh new take, but the fresh new take is being written by the writer of the current series! And Dan Jurgens, for as much 90s nostalgia as he raises within me, is not a big enough draw to make me overlook the writer.

The concept of taking Queen back to his billionaire roots while keeping his liberal bent is KIND of interesting. I guess? In the sense that it’s taking two concepts we’ve seen already and playing with them concurrently, anyway. But I dunno, I’m just not into it right now. I need a Green Arrow break, I think. After I haven’t seen him or heard about him in a while, I’m sure I’ll be that much more open to his next relaunch.

So for Green Arrow, THOU SHALT NOT BUY, BUT SHALT READ THE REVIEWS IN CASE IT SOMEHOW TURNS OUT TO BE BETTER THAN IT SOUNDS.

18. THE FLASH

In honor of The Flash, I’ll make this one quick.

No, wait. I mean in honor of the last Flash series, this one is gonna go slowly and take a while.

If there’s two things that bore me to absolute tears in the DCU, it’s the Rainbow Lanterns and Barry Allen. Of the three big Silver Age resurrections (including Hal and Ollie), Barry’s is easily the most infuriating. Not so much because it negates any old stories, but because of how little it brings back to the table.

Barry’s back, so what? Where are these stories that could only have been told with him? Hal and Ollie at least had those. Older fans may have noticed a Barry Allen-shaped hole in the DCU, but they haven’t been able to describe it to me at all. And in 18 monthly issues, Geoff Johns has also been unable to convince me that there’s any reason for Allen to exist. Hell, his life and history were already rewritten PRIOR to this whole reboot. So what was the point? Johns’ plan to make readers appreciate Allen has been to push him front and center into one big crossover after another. Worked okay for Hal, but lightning has not struck twice for Barry. (Like it did for Wally and yes I’m still bitter shut up)

But now we’re losing Johns, and writing duties are being taken over by the art team, Brian Buccellato and Francis Manapul. So, relatively untested writers and a character that I literally have negative interest in? Recipe for success or what? But y’know what, I’m gonna give them a shot to do what Johns couldn’t and convince me Barry is worth reading about. If they’re not trying their damndest to convince us Barry’s interesting, they might simply do something interesting with him

It’s worth a shot. I mean, what’s my other option? Organize a group to try and bring Wally back? W.E.A.T.?

Barry Allen’s gonna be around for a good long time, so the sooner we all get used to that, the less annoying it’ll be. The Flash gets a THOU SHALT TRY THE FIRST STORY ARC, BUT THOU ART PREPARED TO DROP IT AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT. FLASH FACT.

19. ACTION COMICS

Okay, so when everyone said they wanted Grant Morrison on to write an ongoing Superman comic, this Action Comics relaunch is probably not what they were imagining. A back-to-the-30s approach, with a low-powered Superman as a champion of the oppressed, fighting against the establishment.

I’ll be honest, it’s not a concept that grabs me by the throat and demands my money. People seem to love recalling the days when Superman’s biggest enemies were crooked politicians and abusive husbands. But I think of them the same way I think of Batman carrying a gun: there’s a reason those interpretations didn’t last long.

Besides that, let’s not forget that we just got a year of Superman tackling social issues…poorly…in “Grounded”. I question the wisdom in following that with a Superman who still doesn’t fly, and by the way is actually wearing jeans now. This seems to be DC’s latest attempt to make Superman relatable, a concept which kills everything that lives inside my head.

So all that being said, am I going to buy this? OF COURSE I’m going to, are you nuts? I can’t WAIT. And if you didn’t see that coming right from the start, then you just haven’t been paying close enough attention.

Now, some may accuse me of being willing to blindly accept any premise just because it’s Morrison writing Superman. And that is absolutely correct.

THAT is the kind of faith you earn when you write something like “All-Star Superman”, okay? Grant Morrison could carve “Smallville” fanfic into the side of my car with a rock, and I would pay to read it.

Hell, “All-Star” is just icing. Anyone should be excited about Morrison on Superman based on “JLA” alone. And Rags Morales on art? *Mwah!* Magnifique! This thing’s gonna be as much a joy to look at as to read, at least for the 2.5 issues a year he actually manages to complete.

It’s one of only two reboot books set in the past, detailing Superman’s early days as the first public super hero. So that mean I’ll need to update the “Man of Steel” paperback again, but Superman as the first super hero still pleases me. This has understandably ticked off fans of the Justice Society, who aren’t seeing much representation in the reboot. I have my own thoughts about that, but this isn’t the time for them. Suffice to say for now, I’m not as broken up about it.

Morrison has stated that he has long-term plans for this book similar to his Batman run, which should only excite everyone. It’s one thing to play around in the Silver Age sandbox, but we may end up seeing Morrison recreate it for the 21st century. And while some familiar ground will undoubtedly be tread, I can’t wait to see what new stuff might get added along the way.

So that’s Action Comics. THOU SHALT BUY THE HELL OUT OF IT. YOU’RE MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE. TRUST ME.

20. BATMAN

Next up: Batman, by Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo. It isn’t quite as mouth-watering a creative team as Morrison/Morales on Action Comics, but for my money, it’s pretty close. Snyder has already been kicking ass with Batman, and I’m real excited to see what Capullo will do on this book.

I admit with only a little shame that I was a big Spawn fan the first few years, and Capullo was on art most of that time. Perhaps working a bit too much in the McFarlane mold, but that was simply the thing to do at Image at the time. I admit with perhaps an equal amount of shame that I was also a big fan of X-Force during the Capullo/Nicieza run. Point is, I’m honestly eager to see how his style has evolved since those days, having lost track of him for a few years.

Past the creative team, there’s not much more to say that’s new. Batman’s universe is one of the most unchanged following this reboot, so it’s not a big surprise what we’ll be getting. Except, of course, that Dick Grayson isn’t a Batman anymore, but we’ll get into that more later.

If you’ve been liking Bruce since his return from the dead, it’s a pretty safe bet that you’re going to continue to. The Batman Inc. story takes a bit of a backseat until Morrison can address it himself, so this is back-to-basics Batman. There are 4 ongoing Batman books post-reboot, and nobody needs that many. But if you only buy one, this should be it.

Batman, by Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo. THOU SHALT BUY. That is all. Dismissed.

21. BLACKHAWKS

I’m not the first one to compare the new Blackhawks to G.I. Joe. Or the second, or third. And I won’t be the last. Seriously, the solicit sounds like it was written by Hasbro. “This September, fighting for freedom wherever there’s trouble….”

Like Sgt. Rock, this is another period concept reimagined as a modern-day team of mercenaries/soldiers/what have you. And also like Sgt. Rock, I’m not entirely sure why it exists. Or, rather, why it’s called what it’s called. The concept is an interesting one: policing the tech of the DCU. But surely this is more Checkmate? Why call it Blackhawks? The Blackhawks are a well-loved nostalgic staple, but they’re not exactly a popularity juggernaut. Why court such a relatively minor fanbase who will take one look and realize this only barely resembles the thing they like? It just seems an odd choice to me. And by “odd” I mean “painfully obvious attempt to maintain the health of the trademark”.

What IS actually odd is that these don’t seem to be legacy characters. I think they’re meant to be the originals. Does this mean there were no Blackhawks flying in WWII? Too early to tell anything, of course, but that would be a shame.

If it sounds like I’m down on the book, I’m really not. “G.I. Joe in the DCU” is actually a pitch that hits me where I live. I wanna see the DC Joes going up against Intergang, the League of Assassins, and of course, Koooooobraaaaaaa! My enthusiasm for this would go through the roof if Mattel was capable of producing a half-decent toy line in the 4″ scale.

I know Mike Costa primarily from IDW’s “Transformers” comic, where he is serviceable, but tends to drag things out a bit. The artist is Ken Lashley…or, as of issue #2, Graham Norton. I’ll be happy enough with either one.

Speaking of issue #2, check out that solicit. Lends some credence to the theory I put forth during the “Sgt. Rock” review. Since Blackhawks has a much clearer concept than “Men of War”, it’s a lot easier to make the choice to try it out. Frankly, I think a series like this, especially since it’s helmed by Costa, will read better in the trade. But I’m willing to give it a chance to impress me out of the gate. This seems like the perfect test for same-day download.

THOU SHALT DOWNLOAD THE FIRST ISSUE OF Blackhawks AND DETERMINE HOW AND IF IT BE WORTH CONTINUING.

22. NIGHTWING

I’m of two minds about Nightwing, by Kyle Higgins and Eddy Barrows.

On the one hand, it’s hard not to view this as just another in a number of character resets for Batman’s supporting cast. Y’know, like a prominent female Bat-character. Whatsername…Catwoman. Wait, not her. Well, her too, but also someone else.

On the other hand, having Dick be Batman, while a step up for him, denied the DCU a great, unique character in Nightwing. So you want to support the character while not wanting to support DC’s almost knee-jerk tendency to reverse every change.

This is the problem with being a reasonable, thoughtful, dashing comic fan like myself, who can see both sides of the issue.

I’m not overly familiar with Higgins’ work, but he’s saying all the right things. His take on Nightwing is: “better than Batman”. Which is the kind of attitude I like seeing brought to the party. Higgins’ interviews paint a picture of a true Nightwing fan, who is aware of just what makes the character special.

Then again, we have seen this kind of enthusiasm before, and it didn’t necessarily result in the best stories.

*Cough!* Devin Grayson! *Cough!*

Speaking of, how does nobody at DC realize that Nightwing’s new red costume makes him look like he’s become Renegade again? It’d be like Spider-Man switching to a predominantly black costume and it having nothing to do with the alien symbiote. Going from blue to red is such a contrast, I keep instinctively thinking he’s an alternate-reality Bizarro Nightwing.

The first story sees the return of Haley’s Circus, which right off the bat does not get me salivating over the plot. Haley’s Circus is like Nightwing’s version of the Joker, I swear to God. Way overused.

This time, though, instead of Dick just solving another circus crime, Haley’s provides an excuse for him to do some globetrotting. Which, again, is a good use of Nightwing, who’s a very sociable hero with friends and contacts all over the world. It sounds like it’s worth a look, and Eddy Barrows is a great artist. But I’m keeping this book on a short leash. I’m a fan, but I can survive quite easily without a Nightwing series, as the last few years of his previous book taught me.

Nightwing gets a THOU SHALT BUY, BUT KEEPEST THAT CROWBAR CLOSE AND THAT 900-NUMBER ON SPEED DIAL.

23: BATMAN AND ROBIN

For my money, Batman and Robin has exactly one thing that makes it a must-buy. Can you guess what it is?

No, it’s not Batman. He has three other comics plus appears in two Justice League books.

No, it’s not writer Peter Tomasi. He’s good, but not without some clunkers to his name. (Emerald Warriors, anyone?)

And it’s not artist Patrick Gleason, who is also good, but not exactly my first choice for a Batman book.

Who does that leave? Yep, you guessed it.

Damian Wayne, the sensational character find of 2006! Or possibly 1987, depending how anal you are. Yes, I will be buying because this is the one place post-reboot where I can get my monthly dose of Damian.

Now, I don’t know if the Bruce/Damian team can ever be as great as the Dick/Damian team was. Having a grim, brooding Robin and a lighthearted, daredevil Batman was absolutely brilliant. With Bruce and Damian, you’re basically dealing with different shades of grim. Which sort of brings to mind Jason Todd. (The Jason Todd everyone thinks they remember, not the one that ever actually existed. But that’s a rant for another day.)

But while we lose that interplay, we gain the first regular, extended period of time where Bruce interacts with his own son. Damian is a shithead, and Bruce doesn’t take any shit. That’s what makes us love them both. So who’s gonna crack first? The last thing anyone wants is for Bruce to suddenly go soft or Damian to immediately become a kinder, gentler sociopath. That’ll be the fine line to walk here; keeping both characters true to themselves while still interacting believably.

Personally, I can’t wait. I figure I can justify two Batman books a month (always have), and this is the easy choice for #2. Batman and Robin gets a THOU SHALT BUY, BUT KEEPEST A WEATHER EYE OUT FOR THE POSSIBLE PUSSIFICATION OF DAMIAN.

24. BIRDS OF PREY

I don’t have a lot to say about  Birds of Prey. Like, on a lot of levels.

In any of its various incarnations, the book was never at the top of my read pile each month. Chuck Dixon and Gail Simone are the only ones to make me care about the concept, and even they didn’t always pull it off. So DC wants to completely change things up, that’s fine, but I hope they aren’t banking on the name alone to tempt me along.

Jesus Saiz, I like a lot. I mostly know Duane Swierczynski from his run on “Cable”, which was interminable. As for the cast, I like most of them, but enough to follow a series to? Not particularly. I just don’t see me doing it. Black Canary is on the run for a murder she didn’t commit. Do I REALLY give a damn? I look into my heart and know I don’t.

The only other thing we know is that this will be a covert ops teayaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn.

It really feels like we’re getting a LOT of that sort of thing with the reboot, y’know? And I simply can’t buy them all. Not Swierczynski’s fault, but y’know what, the others just did a better job of distinguishing themselves in interviews. I’d like to see the Birds of Prey run into the Blackhawks, Frankenstein and SHADE, Stormwatch, Sgt. Rock, Deathstroke, Suicide Squad, and Red Hood and the Outlaws all accidentally on the same mission. And the Legion Lost too, screw it.

All these teams trying to keep secret, thank God Oracle’s no longer around to sniff them out, huh? Huh? Huh?

Given Swierczynski’s slow burn style of writing, I won’t even be paying attention to the reviews of the monthly issues. When the first trade comes out, then I’ll give a listen and see if I’ve been missing out on something good. Until then, Birds of Prey gets a THOU SHALT NOT BUY…BUT DO PLEASE GIVE US A RING WHEN JESUS SAIZ IS FREE AGAIN.

25. ALL-STAR WESTERN

So here’s something I’m wholly unqualified to talk about: All-Star Western.

Now, I like westerns. I’ve just never really warmed to them in my comics, y’know? In principle, I think it’s pretty cool that DC is including this and not going 100% superhero. Marissa will be thrilled. And I even appreciate the little touches that set it firmly in the DCU. Let’s just face it. I’m sure this will be good, in its way, but it’s just not for me. Maybe I’ll check out the trades someday, but with 52 new titles to choose from, I can’t afford to be too adventurous.

Look, I’m buying Blackhawks, get off my back, okay? I can’t buddy up to all the non-superhero books all at once. THOU SHALT BUY All-Star Western IF THOU DOST LIKE WESTERNS. NOT SO MUCH A COMMANDMENT AS A SUGGESTION, REALLY.

26. HAWK AND DOVE

Okay, we’re halfway through this thing. So you knew it had to come eventually. Hawk and Dove.

Let’s ease our way into this. Dip one body part in the water, let it acclimate to the temperature, and wade in a bit deeper. Here are the positives. I like Hawk and Dove. Been a fan ever since I read the miniseries by the Kesels. I even liked the art. Mind you, I think I was 6, but still, I’ll take the hit. It was different than what I was used to. I thought what happened to them in “Armageddon 2001″ was a real waste. (Though I was glad it didn’t happen to Captain Atom) So under different circumstances, I would be a lot more excited about this relaunch.

I don’t blame Sterling Gates for “War of the Supermen”. That was quite obviously James Robinson’s train to wreck. And I didn’t read much of his “Supergirl”, but what I did read was not bad. That may sound like faint praise, but “not bad” is a damn huge increase from what that book had previously been, so bravo. That level of writing combined with characters I don’t automatically dislike (Supergirl) could make for damn good comics.

But then there’s the other side of the creative team coin. And I know what you’re thinking, you say, “Jesus, he’s not going to attack Rob Liefeld again, is he?”

YES HE IS. HE’S GOING TO ATTACK ROB LIEFELD AGAIN.

There are some people who get on me for that. They think that criticizing or goofing on Liefeld is an old, irrelevant bit. These people are idiots. Because it’s 2011 and he’s STILL GETTING WORK. It’s not beating a dead horse if the fucking horse is still running in the goddamn race!

Rob Liefeld’s books sell well. It’s one of those things about mankind that is horrifying but true, like racism. How can I, in good conscience, be a part of that? You’re either part of the solution or you’re part of the problem, right? This is quite the ethical pickle I find myself in. I want to support the characters and only one half of the creative team. If I could, I’d like to just pay DC to email me a synopsis each month, but that’s not part of their new distribution plan.

In the end, I think I have to let cold, Coluan logic rule the day. My $2.99 could help Gates a lot more than its absence could ever hurt Liefeld.

(Because he’s filthy rich, you see. And I’m supposed to just let that go and not comment on him cause it’s “old”. EAT ME.)

And let’s be practical, how can I not look at the thing that every comic fan will be referencing for the next few months? The quintessential Liefeld masterpiece, “Captain America with boobs”, might be replaced at any moment with Hawk pecs!

Who am I kidding. I could never not buy this. Maybe if I was a normal citizen, but I’m not. I am…a critic. I have a responsibility to expose myself to the very worst that the comics industry has to offer. And God help me, there’s a very real possibility that this will literally be that.

Hawk and Dove. THOU SHALT NOT BUY, BUT I WILL, BECAUSE I HAVE NO OTHER MARKETABLE SKILL.

(Be sure to follow Josh (@JoshCritic) as he tweets about the other 26 titles, counting down to the release of the new DCU in September!)

While their weren’t blogs and message boards as we currently know them, there were BBSs (Bulletin Board System).  I got to thinking what one might of been like duringhte Crisis relaunch of 1986. Click on the image for a larger version.

Our friend Greg Hatcher from Comics Should Be Good shares a touching story that says it better than we could:

A Friday Memorial to a Master