The new Ghost Rider movie isn’t going to generate all that much conversation. It isn’t good, but it’s not really bad enough to be noteworthy. The first movie was only worth watching for a few interesting visuals (GR riding up and down that building was awesome, you can’t deny it), and this one’s no different. Except that Nic Cage’s acting is even worse and Ciarán Hinds proves he’s capable of turning in a shitty performance as well.

It is kinda weird how it tries to keep a general continuity with the last one while getting just about every specific detail wrong. Like the writer’s only familiarity with the first film came from a Wikipedia synopsis written in another language and run through Google Translate. So apparently instead of having a Penance Stare, Ghost Rider just sucks out bad guys’ souls now. Or he explodes them with his chain. And innocent blood no longer need be spilled, a bad guy is anyone who’s ever done anything wrong at any point in their life. Mephistopheles has changed his name to Roarke, and Johnny shows little to no interest in “controlling his curse” so he can use it against him.

Okay, I guess. Why wasn’t this just a reboot? Is this “New 52” version of Ghost Rider?

Quotable quotes from the world of comics:

“[Brett Ratner has] been on something of an apology tour trying to get back in the good graces of the gay community and the industry at large ever since. Meanwhile, an apology for X-Men: The Last Stand is still outstanding.”
Linda Ge, Bleeding Cool

Like Josh, I’ve never gotten around to reading Magneto: Testament, the mini series which gave Magneto his “no, honest, we really mean it this time!” real name. I’m sure it’s okay, but I’m also sure I don’t need 5 issues of young Magneto in a death camp to add to my appreciation of the character. So I didn’t learn about the whole “Max Eisenhardt” thing until a lot later. And when I did, I reacted the same way I would to any follow-up to a shitty 90s retcon (X-Men #72) of an earlier shitty 90s retcon (X-Men Unlimited #2): I ignored it.

To paraphrase the  barber from Coming to America: “The movies call him Erik, I’ma call him Erik.”

Speaking of, the writer of the X-Men: First Class sequel has stated that it will heavily focus on Michael Fassbender’s Magneto. This can only be seen as good news, as Fassbender was far and away the best part of the first movie. I know I’m a lot more interested in seeing his Brotherhood of Evil Mutants than more of Xavier’s “these are the guys we had left to play with” X-Men.

 
Quotable quotes from the world of comics:

“I kinda don’t want to say TOO much here, because one way [Adventure Time] is great is in how it establishes these relationships but lets the viewer fill in so many of the blanks, and I’m worried that whatever I say will come across as “I AM THE COMICS GOD AND I SAY NOW THAT WHATEVER YOU HAVE IMAGINED IN YOUR HEAD IS WRONG”.”
Ryan North, Dinosaur Comics (by way of a Comics Alliance interview)

This is as good a time as any to reveal that my favorite incarnation of Hal Jordan was the contemplative, grey-templed wanderer by Gerard Jones and Pat Broderick. Which is another way of saying that’s when I first started reading his book regularly. I’ve learned enough about the character in the following years that I can appreciate why it might not be everyone’s favorite interpretation, but that’s a whole ‘nother subject for a whole ‘nother day.

Right now, we might as well mention Before Watchmen, since it likely won’t be showing up again in the comic until the actual books are upon us. It’s obviously been causing quite a number of debates online, some of them reasoned and high-minded, others stupid and completely missing the point. I’m not interested in starting another one (though if you’d like to do so in the comments section, please do, we could use the hits), and I don’t have the energy anymore to get worked up about anything Marvel or DC does, but I’ll briefly state where I stand just to get it out there: artistically speaking, it’s misguided, to say the least.

There is a very simple reason why this is even a question; why anyone would have any kind of negative feeling towards this idea simply on the face of it. It’s not because this is a cheap cashgrab first and foremost, because let’s face it, that describes the majority of superhero comics. It’s not about copyright or respecting creators, because the bulk of fandom was sick of those arguments long before this was announced. It’s not a perception that these prequels will be half-assed, because there’s some major-league talent at play here. Darwyn Cooke’s books will almost certainly have something worth seeing in them, even if the project itself is wrongheaded.

The reason is this: the power of Watchmen is that it is a self-contained work. That’s what sets it apart, what makes it an Important Thing. If the story in Watchmen had comprised the first 12 issues of an ongoing series, it would have been just as good, but it wouldn’t be as significant. It would be held in the same regard as the Kirby Fantastic Four and Ditko Spider-Man; brilliant company to be in, don’t get me wrong, but the Amazing Spider-Man Omnibus doesn’t share the same venerated status as Watchmen (whether you think it should or not). The strength of those comics is the character of Spider-Man. The strength of Watchmen is THAT story. The same thing that keeps Watchmen viable today, the same thing that legitimizes it in the minds of people who don’t like comics in general or superhero comics in particular, is what makes a series of prequels seem almost completely beside the point.

And besides, Dan Didio refers to the characters as “the Watchmen”, which should sort of clue you in to the mindset behind all this. It sort of brings to mind some executive at 20th Century Fox referring to John McClane as “Die Hard” while he pitches the next sequel, Die Hard vs. Thieves Pretending to be Terrorists in Hawaii.

 
Quotable quotes from the world of comics:

“Lest anyone be confused by PR flack, Watchmen was not a “universe.” It was a BOOK.”
Chris Roberson

Your long nightmare of living in a world where we don’t bitch about ephemera several times a month is finally over.

As you can see from today’s comic, we’re trying out a shorter format. This will both decrease the time between updates, and shake off some long-winded writing habits of my own. (Let’s face it,  a month ago this comic would have been 4 panels longer and ended on the same joke) Once we’ve gotten into a rhythm, we’ll aim for consistent updates on specific days, so you can stop checking for new comics at random. 

In another effort to make us more closely resemble Penny Arcade, we’re going to increase the presence of the blog section, previously the redheaded stepchild of the site. There’ll be a new blog update to coincide with each new comic, in which we’ll discuss the strip, talk about recent comic news, feature actual reviews, pimp our merchandise (y’know, someday, theoretically), or just post pictures of baby ducks wearing cute hats.  

So enjoy it while you can, because God only knows there’s every chance things will go back to seed within a month.

Quotable quotes from the world of comics:

“And Whilce Portacio, bless him, but surely he should try holding the pen in his hand.”
Paul O’Brien, House to Astonish

Probably should have said something about this sooner, to save you folks the heartbreaking disappointment of checking the site every week only to find the same dopey Smallville comic.

Brandon and I are taking the opportunity to revamp and streamline the site a little, playing around with the format of the strip and blog section to hopefully allow for quicker updates and more reader interaction. In other words, we’re desperate for readers. Seriously, how’re we gonna sell T-shirts and stuff with, like, 10 people reading the comic every week? That’s a bad business model, people! If Brandon and I wanted to go broke, we’d open up a comic book shop!

(Ooh, that one stung a little, didn’t it? That’s called the sting of truth)

So basically, we’re doing a New 52. Only with no renumbering, no retcons, and no stupid collars or excess lines. Okay, so it’s not very much like the New 52. Except we will have a slight moderate generous horrific increase in exploitative sexism. Whatever it takes!

Anyway, we hope to be back up and running as soon as possible. You can keep an eye right here for updates, and/or follow Josh and Marissa on Twitter. Considering the change in status quo we’ve just introduced, you can expect both of them to have a lot to say about a great many things very soon.

https://twitter.com/#!/JoshCritic

https://twitter.com/#!/MarissaCritic

Thanks for following us this far, and we hope to entertain you even more through 2012! Maybe even make a shocking announcement or two.

(And tell your friends about us. Seriously, I wanna get in on this T-shirt racket)