Like Josh, I worked in a comic book store for many years. It was a much better place than the exaggerated store of the strip, but it was a business of modest means and clientele that invested heavily in the 90s speculator market. So on any given day, I might spend a good two or three hours in the back room, watching the monitor for customers who never came, surrounded by a veritable mountain of Archer & Armstrongs, Brigades, and copies of the Death of Superman. So sometimes I wonder how many of my little jokes are actually relevant to anyone else out there who’s worked in retail comics, and how many serve only to amuse me and my unique brand of nostalgia.

Quotable quotes from the world of comics:

“I’ve often said I miss text on covers, but I mean as part of the actual cover. On [Avengers Academy #27] we get the idiotic Avengers vs. X-Men shit on the top (why is the “It’s Coming” in quotation marks? is someone saying it, or are they being ironic?), but we also get the side bar telling us that the Runaways are guest-starring in this issue, which I guess we needed because it’s not like they’re right there on the cover…can’t people look at the cover and figure out that someone is guest-starring, even if they’re not familiar with the Runaways? Because if they’re not, telling us that the Runaways are guest-starring isn’t going to help.”
Greg Burgas, Comics Should Be Good

Last time, we lauded Bendis’ popularity. This time, we goof on his horrendously drawn-out, ultra-boring Dark Avengers/HAMMER returns story line. Them crazy sumbitches at Comic Critics!, you never know what they’ll do next.

Not much to talk about this time. I’ve let my comic pulls stack up for a couple of weeks at my LCS, something that is becoming distressingly easier and easier to do. I’ve even cut my pull list substantially so I could start downloading more off of Comixology (as a MUCH needed space-saving attempt), but I often can’t even work up the energy to do that.

By far the best comic I’ve read in recent months has been Kate Beaton’s Hark! A Vagrant, a hardcover collection of her web comic of the same name. It’s a brilliantly funny collection that casts a much wider net than your average web comic, skewering all of American (and pre-American) history. It’s great to read a comic that actually teaches you things as it entertains. I haven’t been able to say that since Reed Richards taught me how far away the moon is from the Earth, many years ago.

For instance, did you know Jules Verne had a problem with fellow science fiction writer H.G. Wells? Me neither! Turns out Verne didn’t like how Wells would just make up outlandish technology for his stories (time machines, Martian spaceships, yadda yadda) instead of basing them in real-world science. Can you imagine the Twitter wars those two would have today?

The thing about X-Men vs Avenyaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn not into it.

The latest Avengers trailer is enough to make me want to join a church, because it’s as close to proof that God exists as we’re ever likely to get.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, the tie-in toy line is as terrible as the trailer is amazing. I won’t go into detail and steal Shortpacked’s shtick (unless you want me to, then I’ll rob them blind without remorse), but it’s mostly repaints and a couple new figures with limited articulation.

The only notable thing about the toys is something I read on ComicBookMovie.com about the electronic talking figures. Check out what phrases Thor has to lay on us:

“Hulk, truly thou art the strongest!”
“Captain, I will follow you any day.”
“Hulk, truly your strength is unmatched!”
“Iron Man, you are a valued warrior.”
“My name is Thor!”

Jesus. Kiss ass much, Thor? Now I’m going to be disappointed if Thor isn’t constantly complimenting people…especially the Hulk, for some reason…in every one of his scenes. And introducing himself.

THOR: “My name is Thor!”
FURY: “Yes, I know, Thor.”
THOR: “Nick Fury, your head is magnificently round!”
FURY: “Yes, thank you.”

Quotable quotes from the world of comics:

Over the last few decades, the comics industry has done very well at selling more and more comics to fewer and fewer people, with a general trend of comics selling less, mitigated by a number of bumps along the line. The current policy seems to be exacerbating that, and short term gains may lead to long term losses. And that wonÕt be good for anyone.
Rich Johnston, Bleeding Cool

Comic or not, Daryl is badass. I can’t wait for him to meet Michonne.

That final panel is only partly autobiographical. It’s true that 18 years ago (son of a bitch, EIGHTEEN YEARS?), I was sat on the couch watching the black costume episodes of the Fox Spider-Man cartoon. And I did find it strange that they introduced the concept of the costume increasing Spider-Man’s powers and making him more aggressive. But unlike Josh, I did not foresee that this would become the symbiote’s defining trait in the comics.

To be honest…it does work, at least as a reason for Peter to reject the symbiote. It’s certainly better than his reason in the comics: “What, this thing is alive? It has hopes and dreams? Quick, lock it in a cage and forget about it!” So I don’t overly mind that little bit of revisionist history.

The part of it that’s a shame is it reduces the character of Venom to “guy possessed by an evil alien”. And he always had a much neater origin than that. The symbiote was a jilted lover, and Eddie Brock was a paranoid schizophrenic, and they combined to create essentially the first super-villain stalker. Say what you will about writer David Michelinie, but he was notable for introducing villains with more complex goals than robbing banks (Chance, Taskmaster, Justin Hammer, etc).

Venom’s history and motivations have become a continuity quagmire over the years, including some truly horrid stories where the symbiote starts craving people’s brains or feeding off the cancer cells in Eddie Brock’s body. The current Venom series by Rick Remender is actually quite enjoyable, embracing the “troubled guy influenced by evil alien” shtick to good effect. But I do still miss stalker Venom–the delusional human host and an alien that just doesn’t understand no means no–who would casually walk up to Aunt May’s door and creepily ask if Peter could come out and play.

(No, seriously, what the fuck, EIGHTEEN YEARS?!?!)

Quotable quotes from the world of comics:

“I don’t need help. Thanks, Alfred. I work alone. Thanks, Dick. Thanks, Barbara. Thanks, Tim. I’m not a team player. Thanks, Justice League.”
ItsJustSomeRandomGuy, Sh*t Batman Says

Like Josh, I once served time working in a tiny comic book shop. And most of what I know about Extreme Studios was learned there through osmosis; the goddamn books were everywhere, scattered throughout the store, every place I looked. Even the ones I never read left an impression burned into my brain. At school, I had to force myself not to spell the word “strike” as “stryke”.

I remember Glory more than most of them. Aside from her own series, she had specials and minis and teamup books with Avengelyne and Violator and guest appearances in Brigade and Supreme…I was completely surrounded by books with Glory on the cover, like poorly-drawn softcore wallpaper. Never read a one.

But the new Glory, picking up the numbering of the old series while heading in a completely modern direction, is really quite good. The story hits the ground running, filling you in on everything you need to know to enjoy it. I have no idea how much continuity is left intact from the old series, and I couldn’t care less. I’m almost tempted to pick up the similar relaunch of Prophet, another series I remember from name only (and those damn “SPLATT!” signatures). And I’ll definitely be keeping an eye out for the return of Alan Moore’s Supreme (kinda sorta almost).

Quotable quotes from the world of comics:

“You see, they spend time on dialogue explaining to us that Johnny Blaze can’t control the Rider…the Rider will torch you for Jay-Walking as well as for watching TEEN WOLF…and then you never get a payoff of the Rider wasting someone he shouldn’t have, and Blaze remembering it. That’s a key thing to the tortured soul – don’t forget to torture him.”
Harry Knowles, Ain’t It Cool News